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i don't know any more

Thu Sep 20, 2007, 6:33 PM
well my grandfather has now passed away and the last person i had ever felt close to is now gone.. i don't think i can be close to anyone.. the pain i have when they are near to me is greater than being alone.. which i am now... i had only 3 people in my life that i cared for and i have abandoned myself to 1 and the others have left me by way of death which i see would probly be better than i am now... i wonder how much that would make me feel better and hurt less i constantly fight my head and heart on how i feel and the descisions i make and have made about the person i abandoned i loved him i truely did but i don't think i can ever take back what i had done to him... and it hurts.. i hurt and i know he does or did i'm sure he has gotten over me by now... but i do still think of him... but nothing can ever ease the pain from death and abandon ment and i'm sorry eric forgive me... and just remember i loved you i did i just felt like i needed to be alone.. my mind won't rest my heart won't stop hurting and i'm just glad i had a chance to know you and yes i know those reasons probly weren't good enough but i fallowed my heart and did what i felt i had to do and if i hurt you in any way i'm sorry i will stay away and i shall never enterfear with any one again so as soon as i find out how i will delete this account and let you be rid of me.. so goodbye all

  • Mood: Shitty
  • Listening to: hate me today

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:iconxtremenace:
For one, you were never alone and you had me, Secondly, Please stop feeling sorry for yourself, I accepted your decision though it hurt me deeply. I do think of you every once and a while...however kate...I have moved on..That's not my fault and you can't change that...I know you feel bad and sad, But obviously we wern't meant to be together and I am fine with that now. You could have had me back if you absolutly wanted me, I gave you plenty of time to get me back and you obviously didnt love me all that much if you wernt able to try, you say you are alone and how you dislike it....but you are the one who pushed me away and not the other way around, and you can't expect me to just obsess and cry every night about losing you, truth be told thats what i did at first, but i have moved on it was not me who lost you, it was you who lost me. you know me kate, I will always be your friend and care about your well being and how you are doing, and you can still talk to me about anything, but I do not love you anymore...I love another and I have the same devotion and loyalty for her as i did for you, I'm sure there is someone else you would love to be with, and there is plenty of guys who would love to be with yo, you just have to hang in there and find him, but he is there. So don't feel sad or depressed, live happily, you have lots going for you, times it seems like gods picking on you and you alone but he is just testing you, testing your strength, and each day you can prove to him that you are worthy of having what you want most in life, so push on kate and live, if ya need to talk to me, send me a message on yahoo: xtremense or msn: tenrako@cox.net

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BURN!!
~~~~~~~
Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

~*Guy Fawkes & the Gunpowder Plot*~

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